6 Years Of Severe Pain, Thanks to RA

I was in pain always, yes, every single second. Everything happened very fast, one day I was my usual self flitting about the house in my newly married blissful existence and the next I felt my right elbow swell one Sunday morning. It did not bother me much only that I noticed it was tender, and difficult to do my breakfast routine.

I concluded that it must have been because I washed all the clothes that weekend. But soon I felt sudden unexplained pain at the wrists of my shoulders, and pain gnawed beneath my toes and my knees. They would disappear just as suddenly and come back to haunt me again. Sometimes it became difficult to stand at a stretch, especially on weekends when family lunches called for long hours in the kitchen.

It was a resolve to overcome

I just had to do it. So I  forced myself to get up. I pushed myself to put one foot before the other and refused to let it get to me. Crying at times because the show had to go on. That’s how I did it. There was no other way.

RA: The Early Pain and Symptoms

 And so consulted a doctor who casually gave the diagnosis as an early stage of Rheumatoid Arthritis (RA)and prescribed some tests and medicines. I did not think much and popped the medication on time. There were a thousand other things that occupied my waking hours, and my condition took a back seat. In between that year, my mother in law had a severe road accident, and I turned my attention to her as a dutiful daughter. Hospital duty, stress and daily routine left me little time to worry about the nagging bouts of pain and swollen joints. I attributed everything to tiredness and pushed doubts away. 

My pain and symptoms disappeared

Somehow I went into remission, and my symptoms disappeared, without much knowledge about the disease and what rheumatoid arthritis could do to me, I stopped the medications. I soon forgot about it, and this was in 1999. The year passed without much trouble, except for fatigue, weight loss and occasionally swollen fingers. The only noticeable change was intense cramps and tiredness even if I walked a short distance. I scheduled my daily work at home with hours of rest and also found relief with hot oil massages.

When my pet made me forget the pain

It was the year 2000, and we just got a pet, Baba, a white german spitz. He became my follower since day one, and maybe it was because of his loving presence, or perhaps I kept busy with taking care of him, pain and numbness took a backseat.

Pregnancy and Painful Confinement

Let me fast forward to the year 2002-2003. I was expecting my first child; it was a time of great caution for me as I had a miscarriage six months back. At the advice of my doctor, I had gone through several tests and scans to find out if there would be any complications to the child we planned to have. We went ahead, and soon I was happily barefoot and pregnant.

My doctor warned me about the many problems I will be facing not due to pregnancy, but because of RA, I thought I was ready to face everything. Miraculously during the first few months of pregnancy, RA progression goes into remission for a while; hence I felt on top of the world and painless.

Pain dominated everything

But nothing had prepared me for the months of pain,  intensely stiff joints and demotivating helplessness at periods of inactivity. Chronic pain marred this period of happiness, as I remained confined to the bed. Even the simplest of things like putting on a dress or combing my hair was painful. 

How Pain affects you

Chronic pain is a challenge to the sufferer as it not only hurts physically but breaks you mentally and emotionally. Slowly very slowly, it gnaws away at your motivation, resolve, and strength until all that’s left is a nagging depression. A constant feeling of hopelessness and a wave of grief for the vibrant and productive person you were dominates you. This is what was happening to me without me realising that the excruciating pain was eating away my self. 

My support system: My husband

I cannot explain how I managed to keep my smile on and gritted my teeth to go through everything.  My husband stood by me like a rock, and he managed to make me comfortable. There were moments when he felt intensely sorry for what I was going through. I could only thank someone up there for all the care and love he showered on me at the time.

Your Pain is Yours Alone

During the period of my pregnancy, my in-laws stayed with me and managed the housework. Still, it was due to their ignorance about the effects of RA on a patient that they failed to understand my mood swings and intense irritability. They focussed only on the unborn child and waited eagerly for the birth but never could understand that I would have a long route to recovery post-delivery.

In their ignorance, they believed that all would be well once the child was born, and I would go back to being the dutiful daughter in law. As my pregnancy progressed, my mother came over to stay with me, and she became another pillar of support. Today when I look back, I realise that I would never have gone through those days without her.

My Pet Dog Baba, constant by my side

My beloved Baba always kept a vigil by my side all through those nine months. I recall how he would take his seat at my feet as soon as my husband left for office. Baba would get up only for food and to pee. Sometimes he would skip going out for his walk altogether. As the other members of the family would be busy with routine work,

I would spend hours talking to Baba or listening to music. I restricted my movements to trips to the loo and taking my bath. It was unbearably hot that April, and yet I felt waves of chill and skipped taking a shower. Many times, I felt my abdominal muscles crushing me, and at other times I could not lift a finger to scratch my head.

No Other Option But The Will To Go Through

My doctor called me for regular check-ups and soon advised me to consider a caesarean. Those nine months passed without any genealogical complications but for the painful stiffness of my joints and hours of sleeplessness because of aching muscles. I could not pop a single pain killer as it would hurt the child, I survived thanks to the support of my family. I found that taking hot compresses and hot water bags relieved the stiffness, so the warm water bag became a constant companion.

On the morning of April 22, 2003, a caesarean section later our daughter was born.  When the anaesthesia wore off, I requested the doctor to prescribe painkillers for me. I felt the intensity of the months of pain, for once I felt the need to sleep pain-free.